Thoughtful Nutmeg

The Pursuit Of Happyness

The Pursuit Of Happyness is one of my favorite movies. I must have watched that two dozen times in the last three years. At the end of the movie, Chris Gardner gets his break in life.

I wonder if I already had mine and whether I ‘failed’ it. Sometimes, I feel that I already had it and had that chance or those chances already, but my inability to push myself to higher limits have caused me to lose out on their opportunistic results. I am still like that, but I have a different mentality and goals in life.

Often times, I wish I wasn’t this way. If I could extract a vial of each person I know in my life, I would, to help boost my confidence, will power and energy.

I hope my liver is fine and that it can be healed. I do not want to live my last days knowing it is my parents that must bury their child first. I think no parent wants to ever experience that and each parent actually wants to see and know their child outlives them, to go on to do things, often times, live in a better life than the ones they had.

I asked myself: will I be able to continue living, to fulfill some of the dreams I had or will I be dead in a couple of years because of my inability to stop myself from drinking that one last shot of hard liquor?

There is no fear of dying. There is only fear of the repercussions of it may bring during the process of dying and afterward. More specifically, what my family will go through. Death to me will be a release, but it will not release those around me and instead burden them. Maybe my death will teach people like Brandon to stop being an idiot at 16 and drink himself silly.

There is always something to look forward to. You just need to get some will power and get out of your situation. If all you do is make excuses to set yourself back, then you will never find opportunity. On the other hand, if fear and the unknown hold you back, seek someone or some people to help you. Seeking a helping hand or two to get yourself up on your feet, is a lot better than sitting on your ass feeling sorry for yourself and allowing pride to hold you down.

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Leemanism is about my views, my thoughts, and my feelings with as little filtering as possible. These concepts are not reflected in the people I value and are associated with. People who accept me, adhere to the parts where we are compatible and tolerate the parts where we are not. So however people perceive me to be, ultimately it obviously doesn't mean the friends I mention in this blog are the same as me. It means it's possible they are similar or the same, as well as different than me. It is highly unusual for people to be completely compatible with each other.

With that out of the way, and to make things clear, I never said I am a good person, nor am I trying to be one, though I would rather live with the empathetic than with the cruel. I would not deliberately do harm. I rather stand up against injustice than to pretend it doesn't exist. However, I understand consequences. The police is there to enforce the law, but not deter crimes from happening. Which means people must do what they must do to protect themselves, before the law of the land takes over and even then, the law of the land isn't there to protect you. It's there to protect the general consensus. Even if you may be right, society may deem you wrong - even most of your friends may side with society, than protect you. The law will almost always side with society.

We are few. Stay safe. (•̀ᵥᵥ•́)