Warre’s Warrior Special Reserve II

7:26am

[“Memory” by Yoko Kanno]

I’m close to finishing up my bottle of Port from the summer of 2006. This time however, I did the unthinkable. I added two blocks of ice to about a shot and a half of Warre’s Special Reserve. [takes a sip] No, it’s more like two shots, unless the ice already melted enough. [takes another sip]

My parents got me this overhead crib-chime when my mom was barely 9 months pregnant. The dangly thing is gone by now, but the music box is still here. I think it’s in my closet. It plays “Raindrops Keep Fallin’ On My Head”.

I was just telling Vivian the other day that I used to like going out when it was raining. I told her a little story about Tom and I and what we used to to in the rain, with his massive two-handed sword Jacek made with him and my wooden wakazashi look-alike. After all that, she said something that I would like to mention here:

I don’t think we really change all that much from our Highschool selves. I think with time…all that happens is we become more filled out. Like those beginnings of who we are solidify.

Anyway, this is the type of music I can fall asleep to, that is, if the music box can shut itself off afterwards. I remember I gave June a heart-shaped ceramic musicbox. Who would have thought something so tiny can light up someone’s eyes so much eh?

[ponders and smiles tiredly]

I was just thinking in the last few days about a MSN conversation I had recently:

Leemanism.com says (12:00 AM):
what can two people possibly talk about that’s ‘normal’ in so many freakin hours?

Mut Lun Yeh Ah says (12:03 AM):
hahaha, and it doesn’t include, feelings, sex, or relationships….scary, eh?

Leemanism.com says (12:04 AM):
it is. that is what an ideal intimate relationship is like then

This may seem strange to some of you, but… Hmmm… How to say this?

Nevermind.

[“Deionorra” by Mark Morgan]

[audio:deionarra.mp3]

[laughs internally]

There is so much I want to say, but no where to say it. I think I need a pair of ears to hear me out, but not just anyone. Hmmm… Ever get that feeling?

I called Kari two nights ago and we talked for about an hour and a half. I thought that I lost my touch in trying to cheer girls up. When I heard her crying, I felt so useless and bad. I had hoped that her boyfriend would be able to help her, but he lives 3 hours from her.

[ponders]

There are people in my life that know quite a bit about me, but those same people don’t know much about my thoughts. There have been times I tried to tell them, but they were simply not interested. In the past, I have searched for penpals and found a few – Amanda being one of them. This reminds me – I have to write back to her as soon as my project is done.

I’m looking for someone who would hear me out and really listen and try to comprehend, but I feel cursed to keeping all these thoughts to myself forever.

[pours the rest of the Port into my cup]

That’s it. That’s the last of my Warre’s Warrior SR from 2006 summer.

There’s a few things I’ve learned over the last few years:

1) having a girl ride/grind you and orgasming like that feels fabulous – it’s the aspect of not being fully in control that makes it so damn good
2) NEVER mix different types of alcohol together in one session
3) ultimately, you work to make money and get experienced no matter what your parents try to tell you
4) it’s much better to live at home than to live out on your own with dick and balls for savings
5) then again it’s much better to live on your own when you’re making what Jon’s making in a year 8]
6) being ultra-aware is more a curse than a benefit
7) being logical is more of a curse than a benefit when dealing with parents and your lover
8) don’t try to grab your brother’s ex girlfriend’s breasts when you’re drunk especially when she has the HOOPS OF DOOM dangling off her ears
9) don’t get back to your friends’ emails too late, as things continue to pile up and shit happens!
10) back to #1, NEVER EVER allow a girl to thrust herself onto you when she isn’t fully wet – RIP! OUCH! FUCK! Yeah, speak about bloody! 8(
11) it’s a lot harder to follow through on sexual intercourse with someone I am not in the process of falling in love with

There are many things, I’m sure, but for some reason, as I typed out all that, the image of me go karting at Fantasy Gardens when I was a wee one keeps popping up. They should really do something about that place.

[ponders]

Tomorrow night will be earlier sleep for me. 8]

Sleep now. More work ahead. [ponders] That’s why I kept my bunch very small back then. It’s difficult to keep in touch when I’m tired most of the time, since I put a lot of effort into my emails and hand-written letters to people, it takes a lot of mental energy to do them.

[ponders about someone’s picture]

Interesting. That is a very nice picture of her. Do you know who I am talking about? No? That’s alright, but if you’re that person, I just have to say again, “Nice. Very nice.” 8]

Sleep.

8:15am