Thoughtful Nutmeg

When everything hurts

I might have the flu, I am unsure. I could check myself into emergency, but no. My entire body is aching and my stomach hurts. My head feels a bit weird. I almost feel like throwing up.

Then there is the emotional anguish. It’s odd how when it’s bad, everything is bad. Is this what pure depression feels like? If it does, it really sucks. It’s no wonder those that suffer from it constantly think of suicide. The sweet embrace of death for a broken body, a broken soul.

Is this my weakest point? I thought I had gone to my weakest already, but that’s too unrealistic, as I potentially have a long life ahead. If not, then I know it was my time.

I haven’t eaten anything. I’m sipping a large glass of cool orange juice mixed with water. I dread trying to swallow the Tylenol pill. My heart aches. My stomach churns. My bowels twist. My back hurts. I now feel everything caught up to me. I can no longer laugh and smile as I once did, as I wanted to.


1 thought on “When everything hurts

  1. Dearest, I hate to read how awful you’re feeling. I do think you’ve got one thing, probably physical, that’s off, or wrong, and that is manifesting itself in many different ways. It happens to the best of us. I wish I could do something, but being a million miles away, I can’t. I hope when you wake up you’ll feel better, but if you don’t, take a day off and go and see a doctor.
    You are not alone. You have friends who love and care for you. Take care, okay?? Hugs x

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Leemanism is about my views, my thoughts, and my feelings with as little filtering as possible. These concepts are not reflected in the people I value and are associated with. People who accept me, adhere to the parts where we are compatible and tolerate the parts where we are not. So however people perceive me to be, ultimately it obviously doesn't mean the friends I mention in this blog are the same as me. It means it's possible they are similar or the same, as well as different than me. It is highly unusual for people to be completely compatible with each other.

With that out of the way, and to make things clear, I never said I am a good person, nor am I trying to be one, though I would rather live with the empathetic than with the cruel. I would not deliberately do harm. I rather stand up against injustice than to pretend it doesn't exist. However, I understand consequences. The police is there to enforce the law, but not deter crimes from happening. Which means people must do what they must do to protect themselves, before the law of the land takes over and even then, the law of the land isn't there to protect you. It's there to protect the general consensus. Even if you may be right, society may deem you wrong - even most of your friends may side with society, than protect you. The law will almost always side with society.

We are few. Stay safe. (•̀ᵥᵥ•́)