I recently started another account on DearCupid.org. It has been over 12 years since I was active there. The first question I saw was where a woman expressed hurt for having a husband engage in sex with a prostitute twice while on a business trip. She asks the often asked question, “How could your husband claim to love you, when he had sex with someone else?” I find that people like this often are looking for sympathy, rather than real answers. They are not posting because they truly want to know the ‘science’ behind it. They are posting because they needed to vent what they felt was an injustice brought upon them. Their questions are all rhetorical, meant to garner emotional favour with the masses to side with her and to condemn the spouse for cheating.
Regardless, my answer to her question is as follows…
LOVE =/= LIBIDO and vice versa.
Love is a very broad umbrella term. It’s a gigantic whirlwind of emotional and reactionary concepts that give us a strong emotional bond with another person or thing.
Libido is very specifically sexual, but sex isn’t just about intercourse, or oral sex, or kissing. Sex goes into the very precise realm of lust and need.
Love is like a cruise ship of many different nationalities, that sail around the globe to expose oneself to the different cultures of our psyche and desires. Libido is a missile that expends a lot of fuel, going one way, very fast and exploding into a giant ball of furious discharge.
So, how can a husband claim to love and adore you, but have an orgasmic night with a sex worker? Easy. He loves you and he has a need to ejaculate his stresses.
I know, I know. I’m not being empathetic. If you need a friend, right now, call one of your best friends and vent. Until then, you’re here, asking WHY?! WHYYYYY?! I answered.
To answer your last question of why he would seek out another woman, when you’re willing and waiting at home. Well, I’m going to give you another answer that will be downvoted to hell because it’s the truth.
Why would anyone stick with eating strawberry cream cake for the rest of their life, when there is an entire buffet out in the world with different flavours? Sure, you can turn yourself into a strawberry cream muffin, strawberry cream cupcake, strawberry cream bread, strawberry cream pudding, but you’re still made primarily of strawberry cream! Sometimes, people want to eat something different.
Ever considered having a threesome? Strawberry cream peach salad? Strawberry cream coffee cake? Strawberry cream cheesecake? No? Then how about opening up your marriage? No? You feel marriage is between one person and another? Okay, how about… Just get a divorce?
Of course, I need to expand on my answer here to give my readers context.
Ultimately, they need to communicate their desires with each other properly and openly. However, there is more to that than just fulfilling each others fantasies. The reason why the husband sought out a sex worker to have sex, is because the sex worker’s job is to give the husband a fulfilling sexual experience. Where as the wife doesn’t have a job. She fills in a life-companionship role and the specifics of that role is defined by the complexities of their marriage.
When we look at a sex worker, specifically a prostitute or an escort, we know she was purposed for one thing: sex. Her job, depending on the type of prostitute she is, will do her best to entice her client into an orgasmic rage. She will entice him visually by how she dresses, how she behaves, how the sexiest parts of her look and feel. An analogy is this, is when we look at cars. When you see a Porsche 911, you don’t think of family car, fuel efficient green energy, and road trips. You think of speed, power, and eye candy. The prostitute looks hot as fuck, wearing fuck-me heels, with tats on all the right places, with some lotions shining off the cleavage, and when she uses her ASMR voice while getting fucked, you can bet your ass gives the guy a sense of power and volcanic release. I am not saying the wife cannot do that. I am saying the wife wasn’t purposed to fulfill that lustful sexual empowerment.
Here’s another thing. Let’s say the husband does tell the wife what attracts him sexually. What’s the chance the wife will say and think, “That’s disgusting.” or “You like that sort of nasty slutty crap?”
If you read her question in the link I provide up top, you will notice she puts the sex worker down as a “strange piece of meat”. Indeed, it’s based on her hurt, but still, she’s putting someone else down to tell the world she’s gold and the prostitute is rot. The husband just told you what he likes – perhaps not all of the time, but at least when he’s stressed out on a business trip. What will she do about it? Continue to put down sex workers? Continue to beat him up because he cheated? What is she trying to achieve here? Is she just venting, ranting, and looking public sympathy, or is she trying to find out how she can salvage this emotional breakdown she has with the husband? If she really is trying to find a solution, then she needs to stop with the condemnation and actually do some self reflecting.
In case people reading my words here, are saying I am trying to excuse the husband, I am not. He cheated. He’s in the wrong. Period. There isn’t anything else to say about that. What there is to say, is what the wife is going to do about it, and how she will deal with it. That’s the main issue here.
