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Anywhere but here

The first part of my entire dream sequence is nearly completely gone from my memory, except that it had something to do with Star Wars’ imperial naval pilots, TIE fighters, me being one of them, the scattering of the old empire and the warlords consolidating their holdings. It did not feel like a silly dream. It felt real and had a serious tone. The clearest thing I remember from that part of the dream is a large red nebula in the centre of the view and something was in the middle of that.

The last part or near the last part of my entire dream sequence was set in an outdoor environment, like a park near a beach. It was summer time and there were lots of people every where. It was early evening or late afternoon when the sky was a pastel blue with the wisps of clouds being salmon pink. I was romantically involved with a woman who had an ex-husband who resembled Nathan Fillion. The woman also looked familiar, but I do not know who.

I was sitting on a park bench near some low-level buildings. The ground was hard and black, made of the same material as the common roads. Across from me was my girlfriend’s young son who looked to be about 5 years old, then the ex-husband next to him. On my side of the table sat my girlfriend’s daughter who looked to be about 3. I whispered into her ear and told her to go play with her grandma, which she then ran off with the grandma. The 5 year old boy looked around and occasionally looked at me, swinging his legs underneath constantly, like a puppy swinging his tail back and forth. The ex-husband obviously saw me as a threat and throughout most of this segment of the dream, my girlfriend was very loving towards me, but was visibly quite uneasy.

The ex-husband at one time, loudly ‘whispered’ to his 5 year son while he stared at me. He even had a little grin on his face and said, “What do you think I should call your new buddy?”

I stared back at him with a smirk and put my hands in front of my face, with my fingers wide opened as to show bits and pieces of my face, as well as at least one of my eyes as if I was a Peeping Tom. I remarked, “How about the evil outsider?”

The ex-husband took a glance at the son and stared back at me saying, “Should we call him the evil outsider?” The son didn’t like it at all and shook his head. He even told his dad, “He’s a good person. He’s not evil.” At that point, the dad stopped talking and just twiddled his thumbs while looked around and occasionally glanced at me.

This next part was a bit of a blur, but some stuff happened which lead to my girlfriend hugging her ex-husband very tightly and cried, as if she had forgiven him for something. The 5 year old boy clearly looked displeased. I guess he didn’t like his dad. He also looked a bit distraught when he noticed I wasn’t pleased myself.

As I got up to leave, the perspective changed to a third person view, facing my frontal side. I transformed into Sherlock Holmes (Cumberbatch version) with his black trench coat, black pants, black dress pants and white shirt with a loose first two buttons. I had an indifferent expression. I pulled a dark grey road bike out from thin air and I even made sure it had a helmet. The helmet originally was not on the bike, but when I desired for one, a white helmet appeared in the frame. So I grabbed the bike with one hand, put it down, got on it and road down some stairs. I was initially scared of riding down the stairs because I had a road bike and not a mountain bike, but I was fine somehow.

As I rode away down the stairs and the roadway of the seawall, the 5 year old kid glanced at his parents, then tried to chase after me, but I was already too far ahead. I did however, take one glance back at the kid with a solemn feeling, but I had a lot of pride and wanted to exit the scene without any drama. I didn’t want others to see whatever feelings I was trying to hide.

In my bike ride away, some time later, I noticed my bike was a bit unsteady. I stopped and noticed the seat was way down on the frame, thus pedaling was difficult. So I adjusted the seat to my comfort level, but noticed the type and shape of the bike changed. It resembled a small wheel bicycle. I was disappointed and as I slid the seat upwards, I found out that the lever that held the seat’s stem in place was missing. I remember staring at the stem with the holes in hopes that I will be able to adjust it, but in the end, it was lost hope. So I was forced to ride the small wheel bike with its seat to the bottom.

The rest of the dream was a blur of images. I was in a town with creative architecture. The late afternoon, early evening sun was bright against the walls, objects and floors. Contrasting shadows felt surreal and painted on. The scenery was lively, which is different than most of my dreams, where there is a lot of gloom and uncertainty. Although there was some uncertainty in this dream segment and even though there was difficulty getting to where I wanted to go, I was clear as to where I needed to get away from and that was what I did exactly.

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Disclaimer

Concepts from Leemanism has as little filtering as possible. These concepts are not reflected in the people I value and are associated with. People who accept me, adhere to the parts where we are compatible and tolerate the parts where we are not. So however people perceive me to be, ultimately it obviously doesn't mean the people I mention in this blog are the same as me. It means it's possible they are similar or the same, as well as different than me. It is highly unusual for people to be completely compatible with each other. It is also highly unusual for people to be fully supportive of each other, even if they say they do.

Common society expects self-respect to be a concept you enforce on yourself, while solely adhering to what common society dictates as being right. However, self-respect in fact, is doing what pleases you, while not permitting others to disrespect you, and when they do, you cut them out of your life. Don't let common society gaslight you into believing the self-respect you have for yourself should be dictated by common society's views on morality. Self-respect is the individual's right to live as they desire - not what common society deems as acceptable. Too often, people succumb to the weight of the world, dismissing their individual value, to try to fit in and be accepted. If you are the type of person who tries to fit in with common society, under the fantasy you are also an unique 'weird' person of your own thoughts, then I dare say, you're delusional. Everyone says they rather be weird, but when challenged, they retreat back into their social shells, doing everything they can to deflect self accountability.

That's utterly boring.

However, at the same time, I also understand that some people must do what they must do to protect themselves, before the law of the land and before common society try to lynch them for what they are. Even if your ideals may be right, society will more often than not, deem you wrong - even most of your friends may side with society, than protect you.

So with that said, we are few. Stay safe. (•̀ᵥᵥ•́)