Not a single day or night passes without Erica crossing my mind. Whether I’m at work, at home, out with friends, riding my bike, or hiking in the quiet of nature, she is always there, lingering in my thoughts.
There’s one voice message from her that I accidentally saved on my phone, and I heard it again just two nights ago. The sound of her soft, feminine voice made my heart race. If I could, I would place my hands gently on her face and kiss her lips, just once, to feel the warmth of her presence.
Even though she is far away, the thought of her still stirs something deep within me. Last weekend, as I lay in bed on a warm night with the window open and the fan blowing, I imagined her beside me, her arm draped over me, her face resting on my shoulder. I envisioned gently caressing her arms, my fingers moving from her shoulders to her elbows and back. I imagined softly touching her face, my thumb brushing over her cheek, maybe even teasing her with a playful bite.
I did fall in love with her, and I miss her deeply, more than I can express. But I knew it was truly over when, after her trip, her uncertainties became too much for us to ignore. I realized there was nothing I could do to help her in that moment. It became painfully clear when she last called me three weeks ago, using my shortened name for the first time as we said our goodbyes. That moment marked a shift.
What I truly want feels out of reach right now. Each day, I try to fill the void with activities that distract my mind, occupy my body, and dull the ache in my heart. We are still friends, still bound by the shared memories and the special moments we created. But despite the effort I put into this relationship, it lacks the force needed for us to move forward together.
I find myself wishing for something as simple as one last kiss, one more hug, one more chance to hear her voice. Yet, letting go feels impossible with these desires still lingering. She gave me perspective. She brought me heartache, but also gave me the kind of emotional love that changes you, even if it’s fleeting.
You will always have a place in my heart, even as the years go by.
Too bad it didn’t work out. You spoke about her so much I thought you two would have gotten married eventually.