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Something Wicked This Way Comes

2:39pm

The dream started with an ‘alternate’ scene from one of the Ghost Busters movies with all four of the original cast standing in the middle of what looked like a deserted construction yard. They were all together holding a ghost containment unit that looked heavy and unstable. I wasn’t quite there in person, but I was in the perspective of a ‘floating camera’. Venkmen said something that horrified me. He wanted to re-contain the ghosts inside the contain unit into what looked like a flimsy greenhouse attached to the containment unit. I thought, “Why would you do that to something so dangerous?” Before anyone thought of stopping him, he released the unit and the greenhouse filled up rapidly. This was also when I turned from the ‘floating camera’ to an actual person.

We all saw it coming. The flimsy greenhouse filled up with faceless silhouettes with a terrifying green backlight pulsing. One of the figures inside materialized closed to the inside of the flimsy plastic wall. Its face was clear. It looked like a normal person, but I knew that when they are ‘tamed’ inside a containment unit, they revert back to their former selves. That figure appeared to look right back at Venkmen for a moment and then ripped through the wall along with all the other ghosts and demons.

A few minutes later, the entire west horizon filled with a thick rapidly moving sea of stormy clouds heading eastwards, expanding outwards as it moved. Everyone looked up to the sky. It was filled with static and lightning. There were small and large eyes randomly placed in and around the cloud with what looked like flying creatures circling the mass. It was night and the nightmare began at that moment.

Venkmen’s three partners glared at him while he surrendered in quiet panic and dropped to his knees in despair. At that moment I knew we were all fucked.

As that dream progressed, I was with my mom at Cambie School except that it was also an underground passageway that lead to #6 Road. We were inside and the exit was blocked by fallen debris. A giant hole was at that end and a one eyed monster with three long tongues kept snatching people up and eating them. At first, it looked as though it was picking them up and dropping them, but eventually it had an evil grin and started eating people and people every where screamed and yelled and cried. My mom and I stayed as calm as possible and looked for the west-end exit. We escaped and wandered through King George Park westward.

I noticed that I was holding onto my mom’s left hand very tightly. We walked passed a large group of fire fighters and police officers and an even bigger crowd of civilians. My mom and I kept walking westward into the night. It became more and more quiet, though we were heading into the heart of the city more. I thought, “Why is it so quiet?”

It became morning with cloudy skies and we were still at King George Park alone until we found a huge patch of wet muddy farmland with a boy on a dirt bike staring southwards into a break in the clouds. We approached him and asked if there was a place we can go to and fight against the horde of ghosts and demons. He lead us to a large tractor tire on the ground. There was a bump in the middle of it. At first thought, “Is that the entrance to an underground resistence fort?”

Unfortunately, it wasn’t. I uncovered the thing and it was simply a large muddy potato sack with grass and weeds on it with a tire around it. The boy told us that the fort is very far away and the best we can do is hide under this. I considered it, but it wasn’t safe enough. I didn’t want my mom to to die. I told the boy that I want to defend my mom with whatever I can and asked to take us to the fort. He wasn’t very helpful but he had a sad solemn face which showed his skepticsm for survival. He probably lost a lot in the last few days.

He directed us eastwards, even though I had a feeling that is where most of the ghosts and demons are out dining. My mom and I walked towards and around the old East Community Centre and saw three fire fighters doing something. I was very suspicious of them. So we managed to evade them.

This part of the dream was the second most potent emotionally. As the morning progressed and my hand held my mom’s hand tighter than ever, I told her in Cantonese, “I have a bank account. If anything happens to me, take it and when all this shit is over, if you need the money, go into my account and take everything. There isn’t much, but here’s the code.” I told her the code and she just nodded. This part was really sad because when I said all that, my body became the toddler I once was holding onto my mom’s hand, but my actions and my words were grown up. I think what this part meant was I will always be the child of my mother, even if my words and my mentality is grown up and matured.

As we ventured forth, I wanted to tell her that I loved my brother and loved my dad but instead of creating an emotional atmosphere I said in Cantonese “Brother is selfish but he helps when the time comes. You just need to push him a little. Dad is getting old and grumpier by the hour. You know what to do. For yourself, do more for yourself. You didn’t raise us solely to have us burden you.”

At that moment, the hand that was holding my mom’s was shaking quite a bit. I was genuinely scared of how I would die to those ghosts and demons, but much more scared of whether I can protect my mom until she was safe or at least at the moment I pass, knowing she was safe enough.

I don’t know what happened next and eventually I woke up.

Do you ever travel to a foreign place for a few weeks to a few months and come home feeling displaced? I felt like that when I opened my eyes and walked into the bathroom. I know this is my home, but dreams like that takes a toll on my psyche.

Anyway, that imagery of the sea of stormy clouds filled with ghosts and demons and static was very bluntly scary.

3:19pm

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Disclaimer

Concepts from Leemanism has as little filtering as possible. These concepts are not reflected in the people I value and are associated with. People who accept me, adhere to the parts where we are compatible and tolerate the parts where we are not. So however people perceive me to be, ultimately it obviously doesn't mean the people I mention in this blog are the same as me. It means it's possible they are similar or the same, as well as different than me. It is highly unusual for people to be completely compatible with each other. It is also highly unusual for people to be fully supportive of each other, even if they say they do.

Common society expects self-respect to be a concept you enforce on yourself, while solely adhering to what common society dictates as being right. However, self-respect in fact, is doing what pleases you, while not permitting others to disrespect you, and when they do, you cut them out of your life. Don't let common society gaslight you into believing the self-respect you have for yourself should be dictated by common society's views on morality. Self-respect is the individual's right to live as they desire - not what common society deems as acceptable. Too often, people succumb to the weight of the world, dismissing their individual value, to try to fit in and be accepted. If you are the type of person who tries to fit in with common society, under the fantasy you are also an unique 'weird' person of your own thoughts, then I dare say, you're delusional. Everyone says they rather be weird, but when challenged, they retreat back into their social shells, doing everything they can to deflect self accountability.

That's utterly boring.

However, at the same time, I also understand that some people must do what they must do to protect themselves, before the law of the land and before common society try to lynch them for what they are. Even if your ideals may be right, society will more often than not, deem you wrong - even most of your friends may side with society, than protect you.

So with that said, we are few. Stay safe. (•̀ᵥᵥ•́)