This post was originally published on July 10, 2021, about a year after Amber and I decided to open up our relationship. But time has a way of reshaping even the most carefully laid foundations. And so, as we stand here today – stronger, wiser, and more attuned to what love truly means – I feel it’s time for a revised reflection.
Amber and I have spent years refining, discussing, and evolving the way we love. What began as an open marriage in 2020 has deepened into something far more layered, more nuanced, and more profoundly personal. Our relationship has never been about changing what we are, but about understanding what we’ve always been – a bond that isn’t confined by walls, but rather one that expands in its own gravity.
And at the centre of it all – she remains my sun. My anchor, my rock, my source.
The Evolution of Our Non-Monogamous Relationship
At first, our journey into non-monogamy was structured, defined, and carefully outlined – a balance of freedom and commitment, ensuring that no matter what, our marriage would always remain unshaken.
We set clear rules:
- Honesty & Transparency – No secrets. No deception.
- Good Judgment – No one who disrespects our bond.
- Primary Relationship First – Our marriage is paramount.
- No Outsider Privileges – No one comes before us.
- No Rivalries or Drama – Love is not a competition.
- Safety & Protection – Always, in all ways.
But as the years unfolded, I realized our dynamic was never just about rules. It was never simply about the logistics of non-monogamy – it was about something far deeper. It was about acknowledging love in all its forms – not as a fleeting indulgence, but as a force that shapes us.
That’s when Sylvie entered my life, and something within me shifted.
She looked at my view of non-monogamy, dissected it, challenged it, and showed me what I was truly searching for. Because this was never just about finding casual connections. This was never just about openness. This was about soul-bound connections – relationships that don’t compete with Amber, but rather coexist in their own unique orbits, like celestial bodies drawn into the same gravitational force.
If Amber is my sun, then the other connections in my life are the moonlight, the rain, the echoes of something equally profound, yet different. They don’t replace her light – they exist within it.
Redefining Our Dynamic: A Love That Expands
Where does that leave us now? Somewhere between an open marriage and polyamory, yet neither term feels quite right.
This isn’t just open marriage, because what I seek isn’t merely casual or detached.
This isn’t polyamory in the traditional sense, because I am not looking for multiple romantic entanglements.
This isn’t swinging, because what I desire is deep, intentional, and lasting.
If anything, I would call it Soul-Bound Polyamory.
It is a love that:
- Acknowledges Amber as my foundation, but allows love to expand beyond us.
- Rejects hierarchy in emotions, but maintains a hierarchy in life logistics.
- Seeks deep emotional connections with only one or two others at most.
- Exists without rivalry, without displacement – only balance, growth, and devotion.
And most importantly, it is not about choosing one over the other. It is about honouring the spaces we create for each other – spaces that exist because of the strength of our marriage, not in spite of it.
Navigating Jealousy & Emotional Depth
Even in the healthiest relationships, jealousy isn’t something to ignore – it is something to understand.
Amber and I have always faced challenges with communication and emotional triggers. It isn’t about never feeling jealousy – it’s about knowing where it comes from, why it arises, and how to move forward together.
And for anyone who enters my life in this way, the same principle applies. They are not just lovers or friends. They are something deeper – something that feels inevitable, as though we were always meant to meet.
This is why jealousy, when it appears, is not a threat. It is a reminder – a moment to reflect on what truly matters and why we are choosing this path together.
How Non-Monogamy Has Strengthened My Marriage
Many people assume that non-monogamy weakens relationships.
For us, it has done the opposite.
- It has made us stronger, forcing deeper communication, trust, and honesty.
- It has made us more grateful, reminding us of the love we already have.
- It has made us more intentional, ensuring that every connection – whether with each other or someone else – is built on mutual respect and care.
This is not about replacing Amber.
This is not about searching for something “better.”
This is about expanding the love we already have, allowing it to evolve without restriction, without fear, without the need for limitations that do not serve us.
Common Misconceptions About Non-Monogamy
- “It’s just an excuse to cheat.”
No. Cheating is deception. Non-monogamy is built on transparency, trust, and choice. - “You must not love each other as much.”
If anything, this requires more love, more trust, more patience than monogamy. - “You’ll eventually get tired of each other.”
If anything, this deepens our appreciation – because love and attraction don’t fade just because other people exist.
Final Thoughts: Love Without Limits
Amber and I didn’t choose non-monogamy on a whim. It was a deliberate, intentional, deeply personal journey, forged through years of trust, honesty, and self-awareness.
And what I’ve learned along the way is this:
Love isn’t meant to be confined.
It isn’t meant to be controlled.
It is meant to be experienced in the ways that feel right for you.
For some, that means strict monogamy.
For others, that means casual freedom.
For me, it means something deeper, something I now call Soul-Bound Polyamory.
Because at the end of the day, whether it’s Amber or someone else…
I don’t love because I have to.
I love because I choose to. ❤️
