Blaming the Mirror of Truth
Recently, I came across a thread where a guy named Chris asked if dating sites are destroying people’s ability to flirt or meet in person. Do I think dating sites are ruining in-person connection or the art of flirting?
Not quite. I think people ruin that all by themselves.
Dating apps don’t create shallow behaviour. They just amplify the parts of us we already refuse to fix. They’re not a crux—they’re a mirror. Instead of using that mirror for reflection, most use it as a soapbox inside their personal echo chamber.
There are massive groups of people—mostly men—who absolutely refuse to take responsibility for their own emotional clumsiness or social illiteracy. Instead, they blame women. They say women are “disloyal”, “unworthy”, or “just using men”—as if those blanket labels explain their entire dating history.
It’s lazy. It’s tragic. It’s completely avoidable.
The Flirting Question
As for flirting? I don’t cosplay for love.
I just be me.
I’m not the kind of man who approaches people with a set plan for how a relationship should look. I don’t bait people with clever lines or fake intimacy hoping for a reward. I connect authentically, or not at all. I only start flirting after the both of us know we’re into each other. Before that? There’s no point. If we can’t vibe raw and real, then all the charm in the world won’t save it.
People who flirt well are often extroverts—they like the theatre, the attention, the playfulness. Nothing wrong with that. Alas, I’m an outgoing introvert. I like my me-time. I’m friendly, well-mannered, attentive—but that’s not me flirting. That’s just me being respectful. If you read too much into that? That’s your projection. Not my responsibility.
The “Used and Abused” Rhetoric
Now, let’s pivot. I saw another take floating around that said:
A lot of men are staying single today not because they hate women, but because they’re tired of being used.
I’m definitely not one of those men.
Men who push that narrative are basically confessing they’ve got piss-poor instincts. They either lack the ability to read people, or worse—they ignore the signs because it doesn’t match their fantasy. They genuinely believe that by simply giving—their time, money, loyalty, emotional labour—they’re entitled to love. No concern for compatibility. No awareness of mutual attraction. Just effort-as-currency. When the transaction fails? They rage, instead of reflecting.
This mindset is the spiritual sibling of the Nice Guy™ syndrome—that pitiful belief that being polite and “better than the assholes” should earn them romance.
Let me be crystal clear: Being nice isn’t noble if your intention is to get sex and romance in return.
If your kindness has strings, it’s not kindness. It’s a sales pitch. When the pitch fails, they meltdown and blame women for “choosing assholes”. How fucking quaint.
Now, let’s talk about that.
Yes—some women do chase “assholes”. They chase chaos they recognize. Trauma bonding. Self-worth issues. Cycles rooted in pain. It’s familiar repetition.
But here’s where Nice Guys completely fuck it up: Not being a Nice Guy™ doesn’t make you an asshole.
It makes you a man with clarity. It makes you someone who knows what he wants, how he wants it, and isn’t afraid to stand on it. You don’t beg. You don’t barter. You don’t soften your spine hoping someone will finally see your worth. You already live it.
Nice Guys lack that. They perform goodness hoping for approval—because they’ve never learned how to embody strength without submission. They call that humility. It’s not. It’s hunger dressed in manners.
I know this because I’ve been there.
I once played the doormat. I gave everything—my time, my patience, my loyalty. I thought love was earned by endurance. She wanted more—things I couldn’t give, and I didn’t fault her for it. After the breakup, I didn’t point fingers. I sat with it. Tore myself open. Questioned everything—what I did, what she did, what we both allowed.
Then the truth hit: We simply weren’t compatible.
Good intentions don’t override bad alignment. Staying together would’ve been a self-inflicted prison, based on guilt, outdated ideas of ‘loyalty’, and a warped sense of duty. So instead, I evolved. It’s liberating when you stop begging people to love you back for what you give, and start asking whether they ever had the capacity to meet you.
Love isn’t a product. You’re not a victim. You’re just entitled and emotionally bankrupt.
Stop calling it “being used”. You handed her a bill she never asked for.
Compatibility is the only fucking currency that counts.
Everything else is counterfeit.
Two Topics. One Problem.
So what’s the link between these two discussions — flirting, and the whole “used and abused” narrative?
Simple:
People aren’t failing to flirt.
People aren’t failing at dating.
People are failing to grow.
They’re clinging to fantasies instead of adapting to reality.
They’re chasing personal truths instead of actual clarity.
They want validation, not connection.
They want love, without introspection.
They want loyalty, without compatibility.
Dating apps aren’t the real enemy.
Women aren’t the enemy.
“Modern dating” isn’t the enemy.
The real enemy is repeating the same emotional patterns while refusing to evolve.
I know this because I’ve lived it.
I once played the doormat. I gave everything, thinking generosity alone would carry the relationship.
It didn’t.
When it fell apart, I didn’t blame her.
I looked in the mirror, tore myself open, and asked the uncomfortable questions:
Were we compatible?
Were we aligned?
Or was I bargaining for love with effort instead of connection?
The answer was obvious:
We weren’t a match.
And no amount of giving, loyalty, or emotional currency was ever going to change that.
Growth is the only cure.
Self-awareness is the only compass.
Compatibility is the only currency that matters.
So stop stumbling around in the dark.
Stop digging deeper graves hoping the wrong person magically transforms into ‘the one’.
Stop calling it love when it’s really bargaining.
Stop calling it rejection when it’s really misalignment.
Love, flirting, connection — none of it comes from preset ideals or transactional effort.
It comes from evolution, awareness, and owning your fucking self.
That’s the foundation.
Everything else is noise.
