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Summer In June

2:42am

This weekend moved at an agonizingly slow pace, a stark contrast to the speed of the two weeks before. The hours stretched endlessly, as if time itself had drifted into weightlessness, with each moment suspended, lingering in the air.

In my search for Virginia’s new contact info, I revisited old emails from 1998 to 2002, browsing through forgotten folders. The atmosphere, with its soft, haunting melodies, stirred an overwhelming sense of sadness, but one that was oddly peaceful. As I read through emails from Albert, Jon, and others, I found myself back in a time long past – especially the emails between June and me.

Ah, June… As the music played and sleep tugged at me, I felt the weight of my longing. Though our brief 2.5-month relationship in early 2001 ended long ago, it was the most beautiful chapter of my life. June healed parts of me that I never thought could be mended. She was everything I wasn’t: mature, responsible, elegant, street-smart, and endlessly compassionate. At 22, I was a boy compared to her 25 years, but in that short time, she made me feel complete.

I recall a night at Rendezvous Cafe with Albert and June. The ambience was perfect – candlelight flickering between us, soft chatter from below, and the warm glow of fluorescent light casting a tranquil air around us. June sat beside me, folding origami, gently rolling paper into a ring for my finger, and kissing my hand. Every so often, I would ask if she was bored, but she always smiled and said, “No, just keep talking.” She was always so sure that no matter what, I would be there with her.

I loved that about her – her quiet confidence and understanding that no matter what, she always had me.

The story of how we met is simple: a mutual friend, James, asked me to look after June when she came to Vancouver in early 2001. Our relationship quickly deepened, but a small misunderstanding in February brought pain for both of us. Yet, with Albert’s help, we resolved it, and the rest of our time together was serene.

In April, I gave her a children’s book, some origami roses, a letter, and a cassette of a bedtime story I’d made for her. As she held my hand, tears filled her eyes. That final moment at the airport, when we shared our last kiss and she turned to look back at me, remains etched in my heart. I wanted to leave her with a smile, a lasting memory.

That night, alone, I cried silently in front of the mirror. June had been the one who truly made me feel whole. She was the only one who stood by me when I needed someone, the only one who gave me peace.

Even now, I think of her sometimes. My feelings are different from those in 2001 – nostalgic, tender, but still, I hope she found someone who treats her with the respect and love she so richly deserves. Of all my past relationships, June is the only one who truly earned the happiness she gave me. And for that, I will always be grateful.

[bows]

3:08am

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Disclaimer

Concepts from Leemanism has as little filtering as possible. These concepts are not reflected in the people I value and are associated with. People who accept me, adhere to the parts where we are compatible and tolerate the parts where we are not. So however people perceive me to be, ultimately it obviously doesn't mean the people I mention in this blog are the same as me. It means it's possible they are similar or the same, as well as different than me. It is highly unusual for people to be completely compatible with each other. It is also highly unusual for people to be fully supportive of each other, even if they say they do.

Common society expects self-respect to be a concept you enforce on yourself, while solely adhering to what common society dictates as being right. However, self-respect in fact, is doing what pleases you, while not permitting others to disrespect you, and when they do, you cut them out of your life. Don't let common society gaslight you into believing the self-respect you have for yourself should be dictated by common society's views on morality. Self-respect is the individual's right to live as they desire - not what common society deems as acceptable. Too often, people succumb to the weight of the world, dismissing their individual value, to try to fit in and be accepted. If you are the type of person who tries to fit in with common society, under the fantasy you are also an unique 'weird' person of your own thoughts, then I dare say, you're delusional. Everyone says they rather be weird, but when challenged, they retreat back into their social shells, doing everything they can to deflect self accountability.

That's utterly boring.

However, at the same time, I also understand that some people must do what they must do to protect themselves, before the law of the land and before common society try to lynch them for what they are. Even if your ideals may be right, society will more often than not, deem you wrong - even most of your friends may side with society, than protect you.

So with that said, we are few. Stay safe. (•̀ᵥᵥ•́)