That’s so cute how Amber is taking a sort of interest in me, or being sensitive to me, and I think that’s very cute. However, [in a goofy voice] what does she think of our relationship? Does she think we’re going to start doing something? Like, it’s so funny. I hear your voice. You’re very giddy-sounding, it’s just like, it’s kind of funny. Umm, but umm, like, I know you guys have an open-ish or an understanding, umm, but what does she, does she think something is going to happen? Because like, I don’t, I don’t really think anything is going to happen, I don’t necessarily want, don’t want anything to happen. You know? It could just be like old pals, just uh, reminiscing and talking about stuff, and I don’t want there to be…. Ummm, anything that would, you know, yeah, you know what I mean?
-Melpomene, in May 2024
Melpomene doesn’t think anything is going to happen? Or, she doesn’t necessarily want anything to happen? Or, she doesn’t really want anything to happen?
Which was it?
Let’s be honest.
What I truly want is for Melpomene to acknowledge her feelings for me, apologize for the games she’s played, and ask me what I need from her. I want her to accept all of me, flaws included, just as I would do for her.
What I expect, however, is a rehash of our previous conversations in 2018 and 2020, but with more explanations, assumptions, and rhetorical questions about why I’m still focused on 2012. She may be somewhat sincere in her feelings, but still insincere about her actions.
Since her arrival on October 20th, she’s clearly holding back negative emotions, fearing the risk of losing me again. While I want to assert control, emotionally and physically, the outcome depends on her intentions. The problem is that her goals may still lack sincerity. She wants my friendship, but at what cost? Am I willing to offer it, and if so, at what price?
I no longer want just friendship with her, but it seems she doesn’t truly grasp what I mean to her, nor I to her. I wish Melpomene would just stop avoiding the truth and fully embrace who I am. The games and teases are tiresome.
I could be mistaken about why she wants to see me, of course. Maybe she just wants the last word in.
So, surprise me, Melpomene. Show me what you’re capable of, as you once did in 2012. If not, what’s the point? I can’t be your brother or just another one of your shallow friends. We should be beyond that by now.
However, it’s not impossible to be shallow friends. In fact, it’s relatively easy from an emotional standpoint. I no longer need to engage in the same dynamics I did from 2003 to 2017. The shift to superficiality from 2018, came after the toxic and dismissive things she said during that conversation. That moment altered everything, making it feel increasingly unauthentic. While she continued to tease with pictures, I became bored and mostly annoyed. At least others, like Lisa and Mable, they were straightforward with their intentions. Melpomene teased me with photos of her sweaty cleavage, a photo of her breastfeeding which of course did nothing for me, and other borderline lewd pictures, but when confronted with her desire for intimacy and sex, she deflected the notion, stating that everything she did was just a joke, and meant nothing of it. Yet in the same breath, state how undersexed she has become, completely not motivated by it due to a completely selfish partner.
Her consistent insincerity was simply boring and made annoyed me. At least Lisa sent me a topless photo of herself, dolled up, and asked if I liked it. At least Mable sent me a photo of her in lingerie, asking if I would think of her that night. At least Kari sent me her very burnt ass pic (of no sexual volition), because she’s not a prudish wuss. At least Agata sent me a pic of her yummy cleavage with a pouty face, because she is sexy as hell and owns up to her ego and actions. The way that Melpomene does it, is utterly lame. It’s all hit-and-run tactics. She does one thing, but says another. “It’s all just teasing and it’s all just a joke!” Really, if you want me to be your brother, then stop sending me pictures of your feet, after finding out I have a foot fetish, or how about just believe me, when I tell her she hasn’t set boundaries with me, and to actually set them with me. So we can stop all of the pretentious bullshit.
You are either defined by your actions or your words, and the other should remain silent. Ideally, both should align, but for Melpomene, they do not. Chaos has overtaken her mind and body, splitting her into two conflicting selves. The version I once admired is losing ground, and the one before me now is nothing but frustrating. Despite my efforts to help her reclaim the best of herself, she clings to mediocrity, refusing to believe change is possible, and has forgotten her own potential for greatness.
She was once divine, but now, she’s a peasant toiling away her life, in the kingdom she had built.