11:24 p.m.
Track: “Take a Little Hand” — Gabriela Robin
I waited until now to write this one. It’s not the grotesque kind of dream that shakes you awake — it’s quieter, more invasive. Sometimes my nightmares are haunted houses; this one was a haunted heart.
I was at home — not this exact home, but a larger, airier version. Different furniture. A big aquarium full of cuttlefish. Someone else was always with me — a blurred figure, a silent observer, an aspect of myself.
My ex was there too. So was her new boyfriend. We weren’t together, but they were everywhere. Every time I spoke to them, I couldn’t quite look — just glances, sideways, shallow. I avoided them, yet they kept appearing.
The dream shifted to a mall or exhibition space with tall glass ceilings, brick floors and walls. I remember stopping by a shop full of fish — tanks of baby cuttlefish drifting like thoughts that refused to settle. Then suddenly, Cindy. Younger again. The way she looked at the beginning — bright, careful, vibrant, but guarded. She chose her words delicately, as if afraid I might still be capable of anger.
I felt old. Detached, but still tethered. The blurred companion beside me urged silent acceptance — as if I had to let them exist peacefully in my space, to cut the ropes and let their boat drift away.
Yet I couldn’t look directly at her. I knew if I did, I’d see the memories — the love, the damage, the things I allowed myself to endure. She kept looking back at me, eyes full of some unspoken apology or need.
When I woke, I asked myself why this dream came now. Where were the guards — the “majority government” that usually dictates my will and keeps old ghosts at bay? How did this subtle visitor slip inside, guiding me to let them go?
Maybe she wasn’t a ghost at all — maybe she was the last echo of unfinished forgiveness, asking me to do what I’d refused for years: not to love, not to hate, but to finally look away, and mean it.
11:42 p.m.
Yeah, I totally think it was video game girl too… she’s trying to set ya free so you two lovebirds can run away to Vegas and elope!!
is this why you started a column at dearcupid.org?
Not because of this particular dream! 8] Haha… Well, I made a post at DC in January about my failing relationship with my then gf. You can find that post up top in the “Love & Sex” section. A couple of months after that, we broke up. I didn’t really start giving ‘advice’ until sometime in May and onwards. It’s a fun place for the most part. Some people listen to you and they change their habits accordingly, and some people just totally ignore you. If you look at my ratings, I break about even between Excellent and Bad. So… Yeah… 😉
Have you read Sigmund Freud’s Interpretation of Dreams?
I don’t think I have, BUT I might have. /ponders Such is the mind of Leeman. I will check it out online and see if I am interested. Sometimes, I feel that such visionaries and philosophers trick people into thinking the way they do. ^_~
Umm he is a psychologist. I read a bit of it. It’s soooooooo huuuuuuuge. He seemed believable more or less. He says dreams show you what you desire. They are wish fulfillments in some way or the other, according to him. Check it out. It’s interesting how he comes to the conclusions of the causes of dreams. If you are impatient with introduction and all that, start reading from chapter three.
Actually, I have the same thought about dreams. I felt that dreams work two aspects of our inner self: 1) intuition and 2) a reflection of our truest desires. Many of my dreams are vivid and so clear to the point where it’s actually ‘nightmarish’ – scary to wander in such a place. Sometimes, I even become aware that I am in a dream and I yell to myself: “Wake up Leeman! Wake up!”
I sometimes give up trying to wake myself, specially when it is a dream within a dream. But just then, ironically, I wake up. 😀