An excerpt from my MSN conversation with Albert on April 26th 2005:
Albert: She said, “You mentioned that you wanted to walk behind me or beside me to prove yourself that I can rely on you…I think you did show that yesterday while blading/biking however, what I prefer is someone who travels NEXT to me, not behind me.” I wanted to ask you…. Why do you do that exactly? Walk behind all the time?
Chow Faan: behind you, behind Jon, behind Cindy? 8)
Albert: yes, in general, it doesn’t bother me, but i do notice it of course
Chow Faan: well, there is a good reason yes, give me a sec.
Albert: i always want to walk in front. Which is funny
Chow Faan: If I walk in front, I lose sight of everyone – if I take on a leadership role, I rather still walk beside at the most. When I walk behind, I never feel left behind, because I know where your hearts are. From behind, i see everyone, in case one day I don’t get that opportunity to see them again
Albert: that’s so fascinating, you should tell your next companion that
Chow Faan: ha, nah, that might just freak them out, hahaha
Albert: i walk in front because i want to be the first to deal with anything that comes in our way, like a front line unit of soldiers, You should have told cindy… sorry to bring it up again, but i can see why she thinks the way she does.
Chow Faan: i told this to one of Cindy’s close friends three months ago – that I see Cindy as someone I can watch from a distance, stop there and just observe while she does her own thing, smile, walk up to her and kiss her
Albert: She said, “There were a few times I was scared to go down some of those hills and would’ve wanted to hang on to your bike just incase I fall but you were always behind me, not next to me. What if I had fallen going down a hill? By the time you see me, you’d picking me up off the floor instead of being next to me so that I don’t fall.” i know she is speaking metaphorically here
Chow Faan: yeah i know, for the most part. You know Albert, Cindy doesn’t see me for who i am. Even before the incident with her mom, her mind was always too drawn in the world of linear thinking – logical versus metaphorical, or rather logic versus philosophical. You know me. I like details, though i always say they’re trivial. 8) I’m contradicting, but you guys always, or at the least, almost always see through the contradiction
Albert: yes
Chow Faan: but when she experiences my world, she only sees exactly what is there, and not what is holding those things together. Aside from my big mistake, i wished there was some other way, i tried my best for those month and a half.
Albert: Yes, but you didn’t compromise enough to let her see it. Next time you come across a situation where your GF asks you for some help or something seemingly unimportant but potentially relationship destroying……. call me or jon