Kith & Kin

Mah Mee Ya

“Mah Mee Ya” is what I call my mom. Sometimes, I call her “Mah Mee”, but I normally don’t because it sounds a bit childish to me, even though I am still a child in many ways.

The most common thing I hear my friends or anyone say is “Mom” or “Ma”. My wife thinks that it’s cute that I call my mom “Mah Mee Ya” and wants to call her that one day as well. I smiled when she told me that, but there is also a part of me that is sad.

Life is like a very rocky car ride for many people in which the doors are never locked and sometimes open on their own, scaring the crap out of you until you learn it’s all just an illusion. People try to learn to not fear so many things and just close that door every now and then. Unfortunately, a lot of people don’t learn this and try to hold onto that door as tight as they can, fearing they may fall out at any time.

When I look back on all the things that had happened over the decades, my mind almost always fall back onto the imagery of my mother. She is the rock of our family. She is the pillow of her children. She is the voice of my father. She is the one who protects us from ourselves. She is the one who made us all happen, even when each of us strayed.

Yet, what did she get in return? A lifetime of worry, anxiety and sometimes, heartache.

I come from a traditional family with hard ethics and principles. Time and experiences soften our family and had evolved into something more light hearted and comfortable. However even though we have come to this point in our lives as a family, I often wish that I can give more than this to her. Indeed, society has taught me that I am not responsible for them, but bluntly put, to hell with society. My mother deserves more than just the basics of life. She deserves all the love and care that I can muster and more.

When I look at her tired eyes, her hardened hands, the glimpses of grey and white hair and the signs of the creases in her face, I often wish I grew up a better son. I wish I was not a pain in the butt as a child, as a teenager and in my twenty-somethings as I was trying to find myself. Of course, all that I wish for is in hindsight.

What I learned was that it did not matter that my mom understood me, but rather if she accepted me. All those years growing up, I wanted my mom to understand me and that was the problem. She couldn’t. She grew up in a totally different world with a totally different mindset. It was purely selfish of me to want her to understand my way of thinking, my thought processes and the why and how and what. Honestly, very lame of me to even want that, though I can understand as an adult peeking into the tiny world that was mine as a child.

No, what I learned was that all I needed really, was for my mom to accept me for who I was and what I was becoming. In hindsight, if I had known this about myself back then, life would have been a bit easier for my Mah Mee Ya.

Often times, I tell myself that her children and her husband do not deserve her and that she deserves so much more than us. Yet, my Mah Mee Ya has stuck with my father through all those setbacks and heartbreaks and never gave up on my brother and I.

Thanks Mah Mee Ya. You’re the best and if I would be granted another life, I would have you as my Mah Mee Ya then as well, if you would have me as your son. ♥

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Disclaimer

Leemanism is about my views, my thoughts, and my feelings with as little filtering as possible. These concepts are not reflected in the people I value and are associated with. People who accept me, adhere to the parts where we are compatible and tolerate the parts where we are not. So however people perceive me to be, ultimately it obviously doesn't mean the friends I mention in this blog are the same as me. It means it's possible they are similar or the same, as well as different than me. It is highly unusual for people to be completely compatible with each other.

With that out of the way, and to make things clear, I never said I am a good person, nor am I trying to be one, though I would rather live with the empathetic than with the cruel. I would not deliberately do harm. I rather stand up against injustice than to pretend it doesn't exist. However, I understand consequences. The police is there to enforce the law, but not deter crimes from happening. Which means people must do what they must do to protect themselves, before the law of the land takes over and even then, the law of the land isn't there to protect you. It's there to protect the general consensus. Even if you may be right, society may deem you wrong - even most of your friends may side with society, than protect you. The law will almost always side with society.

We are few. Stay safe. (•̀ᵥᵥ•́)