A Surreal Sky

2:08am

Tune: “Traces” by Enigma
Mood: Gum-Ache killing me furiously
Drink: Ice water

My cousin left Friday evening, then Albert and Jenny came over around 7:30pm. We went to the gym and for the rest of the night, I spent time on work and anime. Saturday came and went. I had a three hour MSN conversation with Mandy, mainly about random things, her thoughts, and about love. She has lovely eyes and I liked what she wore last time on webcam. So very lovely. I wanted to get back online this night to talk to her more, but this gum ache is really killing my mood for anything. However, I did manage to squeeze in a few episodes of Desert Punk.

I named this entry “A Surreal Sky” because I went for a furious bike ride earlier this evening around 8:30pm, and as I rode my usual route, I looked about and noticed a familiarity with my surroundings. It wasn’t the obvious fact that I’ve ridden this route roughly 500 times in the last 4 years. No, instead, it was the ambience and feeling associated with it. I stopped at the turn-around point and looked across the farms north, towards Vancouver, Burnaby, Port Coquitlam, and beyond and as my eyes scoured across that land, I had flashback memories of the places I’ve walked, bussed and drove to and back. The most common words I think about has always been “Who would have thought I was there?” Followed by, “And now I am here staring back in time, different, yet the same.”

Elsewhere, I mentioned that I wish I can truly see with my eyes, or was it my heart? I don’t remember right now as my internal vision has been blurred by this wretched pain that is causing me to want to swear my ass off.

Anyway, I mentioned something about truly seeing with my eyes or heart, and resting at that turn-around point allowed me to feel a portion of that “truly seeing with my eyes or heart”. Ah fuck it, I don’t expect anyone to understand.

As I rode back home, I wondered if I would still be riding this road at 80. The sunset looked gorgeous by the way. I also thought that it was the same nostalgic feeling I had back in 2002 before I went to Hong Kong, resting at that turn-around point, watching the plane fly overhead towards the sunset, and thought, “That is where I am going in less than a month.” Then in 2006, as I rested at that same place, I thought the exact same thing.

A surreal sky it is, but they just don’t get it. They take the words too literally without thinking about history. There is so much I can take before those sort of things turn into something more solid.

[ponders]

You know, every time I take a rest at the turn-around point, Jessica always come into my mind. I think it is because of her association with Hong Kong and other sentimental past times that make me think of her, whenever I rest there watching the sunset.

I had called Albert earlier if he would go on the 33km bike ride with me, but he had to go home to study. I considered calling Laura, but she had Julia to cater to, plus it would have been a hassle to drive to her place, come back to Richmond, biked, then go back to Vancouver, and back to Richmond again. My van is nearly 180000 kilometres over a span of 12 years, and I can definitely hear it dying on us slowly. I even considered calling Jeff, but he lives even farther and has no car. I thought of calling Tom for a drink afterwards, but again, he lives way over on 3rd and Commercial.

I was quite thoughtful about all of this when I was at that resting point. I thought that I am the only one still in Richmond, that all of my past intimate relationships all lived in Vancouver or Hong Kong, and those whom have constantly stayed in touch with me for more than seven years like to live in Richmond and has some form of residential property here in the city, yet, I am alone here, unwilling to go out any more. It’s not that I simply don’t feel like it any more, but it’s mainly because I find that most of the people I know use me for something, rather than actually hold a true friendship with me. So like years back, I’ve slowly shed the people whom I deem not worth my time and effort.

I once put in a lot of effort to stay in touch with everyone, but then over time, I felt that it was too difficult, and so I have grown to be like this. All that shit about working too much, spending a lot of time studying and going through crap – well, I’ve been there, done that, and I was still able to spend a few minutes calling up people, emailing them, etc, just to see if they want to do something. What I’ve noticed is that the easiest-going person on the face of this planet to just meet up and do nothing or something was Patrick.

Sometimes, out of the blue, he would call me up and ask, “Want to go hiking on Thursday?”

My reply, “What time?”

His response, “Earlier the better. Say get to your place at 5am, and be there by 7am-ish?”

Then I’ll say, “Sure. I’ll be ready by then.” And hang up.

There were never too many questions, or too much planning, and yes, I had a job back then too – 10am to 5pm, Monday to Friday, but hell, I’ll skip a day of work just to hang out with him somewhere.

Or other times, I would give him a call, “Hey, want to do something?

Him, “Sure, what do you have in mind?”

Me, “Whatever. Your place or my place?”

Him, “I can go over.”

Etc.

It was easy. No tension, no anything. Just do it.

With Patrick, I noticed he rarely questions me. If something doesn’t work, then whatever. There is always some other day. Also, Pat never asks me what’s on my mind, unless he feels I really need to talk about it, and even then, he usually keeps his mouth shut. In short, his tactfulness is awesome. He’s the type of friend I’ve always looked forward to, even if he may feel a little down on certain things and more defensive on others, but he puts up with my pervertedness and at times, my bluntness. I may not be able to talk to him about deeper emotions, more complex dreams and spiritual sentiments, but he’s the type of person I would backpack around the world with. He’s very trustworthy and reliable, even if he may not be as knowledgable in some areas. I can’t think of him as a Captain, but I can think of him as a Lieutenant, leading his platoon, trying his best to lead his men and women. Like me, he doesn’t panic much. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him panic before aside from that time when he thought he lost his wallet filled with $300 in cash. He seemed worried and angry more than anything anyway.

Mind you, though I am saying a lot of positives about Pat, what I am really getting here is what I am feeling and have been feeling. It’s about ease of tension, lack of sub-plots, and the simple enjoyment of just doing it for the heck of it. [chuckles] We won’t be able to hang out too much together, or we might get sick of each other’s quirks, but if I had to choose a roommate, he would be it. So long as he doesn’t pile up his dirty laundry for weeks at a time, then it’s all good.

[thinks for a long time]

If I can one day, I would like to take a trip to Milange. I want to see what’s there, even who’s there.

Indeed, I can’t fall in love now because I haven’t reached my goals yet.

3:15am