Thoughtful Nutmeg

A Walk Before Dawn

When I think about the events around and during 2011, as opposed to just thinking about the year, I get a truer sense that it was actually quite a long time ago. My attitude, behaviour, triggers, things I were doing, the people I had relationships with, the dynamics with my family, and how my blossoming, yet uncertain long distance intimacy with Amber was going. When I focus on specific parts of all of that, it’s all actually kind of sad. Amidst those memories, I have vague imagery of blue skies, wispy clouds, North Shore mountains, the Georgia Strait, and general greenery. Yet, I know not all of those images are from that time. I know that much of that imagery is a mix and mash of varying times with no particular year to contain them.

2011 was significant, but really, which year wasn’t? Every year, every season was significant to me in some regard. It will all cease to be significant the moment I lose my mind, and ultimately, lose my life. However, that is neither here or there.

2011 was when my life started turning a corner. My relationships with people changed, the dynamics of my awareness coinciding the connections with individuals evolved, as well as devolved. While all of this was happening, my lackluster desire to continue Leemanism was super apparent. So I tried making changes to my blog as well, but after twenty or so revisions of Leemanism.com, I started to lose track of whether it was really in the 20+ or late teens or even 30s. It’s as Cindy once remarked while rocking back and forth on my cock panting, “I lost count around ten.”

Basically, I like history to a point. For Leemanism.com, I wish I had kept a strict record of revision numbers, dates, and screenshots of the home page, as well as a random blog post. Alas, by the time I had that notion, it was already too late. My blog had gone through 7-9 revisions already, and I was losing readers by revision 10. Mind you, I never created my blog to become famous or to garner readers. My original purpose was to vent the injustices of my relationship with Cindy from late 2004 to early 2006. It just exploded from my original intent, with a myriad of content and interactions. 900+ comments, 70% of which are from my readers, and 700+ posts later with about 150 of them deleted later, ultimately by 2019, I felt Leemanism.com held me back. I wanted to keep my blog intact with so much history and had on many occasions, convinced myself that it’s a privilege and journey to be able to keep track of my life leading to this point, spurred on and inspired by Justin Hall’s Links.net. However, unlike Justin who started way back in 1994 when the internet was still quite young and while I certainly did not seek fame, it was nice to have a little bit of that for me in some vague regard.

Regardless, what finally decided for me was what I need from blogging and what I intend to expose through expressing my thoughts. Do I still want people to know about my personal life through Leemanism.com, which has somewhat become a brand for who I am, or has Leemanism.com become more like a representation of my beliefs? You might wonder what the difference is. Simply put, is Leemanism about me, or is it about ideals?

So what I ended up doing was export all of my blog entries over to a temporarily website, meticulously and tediously go through each and every blog post to see which ones to keep, as well as which ones to toss out. Review everything else like tags, categories, etc, and then delete the original site, and reinstall the reviewed stuff back onto Leemanism.com. This basically removes all residue files and only keep the ones that are needed. Also, it removes a bunch of technical mishaps that have been collected over the years.

Anyway, I think to super simplify the revision numbers back to its original intent, I will simply call Leemanism as of 2022 March 10th, Leemanism v2.0. It is the best and clearest version of the site.

Also, apparently, ducks have toes according to a particular Valheim forum thread.

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Disclaimer

Leemanism is about my views, my thoughts, and my feelings with as little filtering as possible. These concepts are not reflected in the people I value and are associated with. People who accept me, adhere to the parts where we are compatible and tolerate the parts where we are not. So however people perceive me to be, ultimately it obviously doesn't mean the friends I mention in this blog are the same as me. It means it's possible they are similar or the same, as well as different than me. It is highly unusual for people to be completely compatible with each other.

With that out of the way, and to make things clear, I never said I am a good person, nor am I trying to be one, though I would rather live with the empathetic than with the cruel. I would not deliberately do harm. I rather stand up against injustice than to pretend it doesn't exist. However, I understand consequences. The police is there to enforce the law, but not deter crimes from happening. Which means people must do what they must do to protect themselves, before the law of the land takes over and even then, the law of the land isn't there to protect you. It's there to protect the general consensus. Even if you may be right, society may deem you wrong - even most of your friends may side with society, than protect you. The law will almost always side with society.

We are few. Stay safe. (•̀ᵥᵥ•́)