3:41am
An influx of entries this morning. Lots on my mind. The first is about unity before we can venture into space. The second one is about being judgmental and opinionated followed by religious absurdity, and now my last set of thoughts before bed about those whom are strong in their beliefs and can stand up for themselves.
This entry coincides with an earlier entry about being attracted to strong independent women. This is similar to my attraction to strong willed independent men as well. Of course, this sort of attraction is not intimate in the sense of being sexually nor desiring a deeper intimate companionship. I hope I need not explain this again in the future. I find people who distort the obvious meanings to be quite distasteful.
For example, there is one aspect of Albert that I am quite attracted to and that is his super strong will to be himself. He doesn’t even need to try and on top of that, he does what needs to be done to achieve what he needs to achieve with the least amount of resistance. This same goes to Jon, though he isn’t always like that.
For myself, I don’t like giving excuses. Either I do it or I don’t. If I say yes, I mean yes. If I say no, I mean no. If I say “maybe”, it means I’m not sure. There’s no other meaning.
I’m getting better in following through with my own words. It’s still based around convenience and the path of least resistance, but I try to clear up my time so I can make effort in getting things done.
I like to set an example for my own deeds, even if they may seem ‘questionable’ through your eyes. I would rather die knowing I’ve died with my own set of learned principles and having control over my own will, than to die having no control over my own mind and the desires that come from them.
Being quiet with other company in sight is being myself in observation mode. Being silly, perverted, and daring is being myself in expressive mode. I am not masking myself either way. Tact is fine and I will use strategy when the circumstance calls for it but if I have to mask the entirety of who I am, then I am no better than a brain-dead apparition.
I had ghosts haunt me from my past and I still have some of those lingering around today, but ghosts don’t attract other ghosts, now do they? Ghosts probably don’t want to be reminded that they’re substance-less. That’s why they follow living humans to feel as if they are alive themselves or be reminded of the living days.
Sleep.
3:56am
