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Close Encounters of the Third Kind

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2:02am

Oops, almost typed “cu//t” instead of “kind”. 8]

Did you know that I never swore/cursed this much before shit started between Meow and I? Ah, I have to try to revert back. Hmm… Maybe not revert back, but change the ‘bad’ stuff. Did you know, even when Jessica was super pissed at me back in the day, not EVER in ANY of the emails I sent to her contained swear words? [grin] The only time I actually swore to do with a girlfriend or a love potential was with June, but it had nothing to do with June. I think it was me driving and June was passenger, and some fuc… Some retard cut me off so I chased him (yeah I know) and swore in Cantonese excessively. I had a lot of work stress that day.

Yeah…

Anyway, all I wanted to say was, “Yup, it’s good.” Mhm… 8]

I was just merging and deleting email folders, and skimmed through Jason’s 499 emails between us, then I merged his box with the main team’s and now there are almost a thousand emails between us. They’re sorted by date descending, so I scrolled rapidly downwards while looking at the dates.

[“Water” – FF7 Advent Children]

As I did that, just memories of Meow and I and the corresponding situations related and unrelated to us faded in and out of my mind… 04/2006, 03/2006, 12/2005, 10/2005, 07/2005, 03/2005, 01/2005, 12/2004, 10/2004, 08/2004, 02/2004, 11/2003… Just random months, and just speaking randomly too, nothing ‘special’ specifically.

Yeah, time moves on and on and on. Just like when I had my chance with Virginia, then I went through a long sad period amongst other things, then June, and then work, then other stuff, then Hong Kong, then more stuff, then more work, then Cindy, ups and downs, stuff, then the break-up, then work, and now at this moment in time, just tapping away at 2:11 in the morning.

I just have to let myself go and surrender to RT. Through past experiences, I am automatically skeptical – I don’t need to voice it, not at this stage in my life. However, I do believe in Ray. At this moment in time, he makes a good leader and slave master. Haha… I just have to do my part in all of this. It’s tough meaning it takes a large chunk of our ‘free’ time, but we all know what we have to do, and how to get there. The only thing to stop us in our tracks, is if we can’t get VC.

So, aside from that, I don’t have to just believe. I simply believe. My skepticism is based around getting VC and having a successful product, but Ray will have to prove me wrong on that. In the meantime, we just have to finish building it and launch the prototypes.

RT may get famous, and my work will be shown across the globe, and most likely I will never get recognized by outsiders for my visuals. However, for the few that have seen my work – friends, family, past lovers – I think that’s enough for now. [smiles] I can’t leave a legacy based solely on continuing my family’s bloodline, but I can leave traces of myself in this world and through life… Hopefully…

This is the start, the beginning. We just have to complete the foundations.

2:18am

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Disclaimer

Concepts from Leemanism has as little filtering as possible. These concepts are not reflected in the people I value and are associated with. People who accept me, adhere to the parts where we are compatible and tolerate the parts where we are not. So however people perceive me to be, ultimately it obviously doesn't mean the people I mention in this blog are the same as me. It means it's possible they are similar or the same, as well as different than me. It is highly unusual for people to be completely compatible with each other. It is also highly unusual for people to be fully supportive of each other, even if they say they do.

Common society expects self-respect to be a concept you enforce on yourself, while solely adhering to what common society dictates as being right. However, self-respect in fact, is doing what pleases you, while not permitting others to disrespect you, and when they do, you cut them out of your life. Don't let common society gaslight you into believing the self-respect you have for yourself should be dictated by common society's views on morality. Self-respect is the individual's right to live as they desire - not what common society deems as acceptable. Too often, people succumb to the weight of the world, dismissing their individual value, to try to fit in and be accepted. If you are the type of person who tries to fit in with common society, under the fantasy you are also an unique 'weird' person of your own thoughts, then I dare say, you're delusional. Everyone says they rather be weird, but when challenged, they retreat back into their social shells, doing everything they can to deflect self accountability.

That's utterly boring.

However, at the same time, I also understand that some people must do what they must do to protect themselves, before the law of the land and before common society try to lynch them for what they are. Even if your ideals may be right, society will more often than not, deem you wrong - even most of your friends may side with society, than protect you.

So with that said, we are few. Stay safe. (•̀ᵥᵥ•́)

I am one of the few I am one of the many