Thoughtful Nutmeg

A Look Inside

1:58am

[“Bornotto B” – Protogroup]

This will most likely be very weird for most people who stumble here. However, I’ll make an explanation before I enter this. Since I have always believed text and scripted words are primitive in communication, text and words alone can never explain my thoughts. Fortunately, it is myself that ‘need’ to know solely. For everyone else who samples this, it’s just jibberish that belongs in the trash, or worst yet, in a caged asylum. I rather be trash than caged.

From my perspective…

Yellow. Lines. My lines. It’s transparent. It hurts, my wrist. Song, cannot connect. Missing. Gone. Most likely forever. Square. White, but not. Infinity. I’m there. Floating, circles, round and round. Bornotto @ -3:06, where are you? Mist, vague, see me. Lights, dimmed, fog, that painting on that wall. Does not exist. Candles, chatter, tea. Going back, the smirks. My card, his hands, bank. Money always flowing, going. Gone like my mind. Past.

Rivers, dome. Flags, jealousy. Died. Leather jacket. Sad. Red flag. Place in ruin, but familiar. @ -1:00. Rocks, pebbles, dirt road. Walking. She’s there. I was there. I am here. Take away. Gone. Lake, still. Brother, fishing. Mom, sowing. Skies, sunset, no sun, glowing, twinkle twinkle. Transition. Beautiful. Where are you?

@ -7:57. Ripples. I miss. Mercury, reflection. I’m there. Freedom. I miss that place. I miss that time. I miss myself.

Luna. River. Fraser. South. 5am. Long time ago. Talking. Fresh air. The sea. Above, up there, far away. Five. Trails. Nebula, galaxies, stars, millions of falling stars. @ -6:06. Infinity.

Going. Gray. Silver. Titanium. Brother. Transparent. Cursed. Painting. Water colours. Paint with me. Flowers. Mountains. No more games. Games. Reach out. Falling, always falling. Then flying.

Tease. Ying and yang, the moon. Battling, fighting, never-ending. Tired.

What do you want to do? Always asking.

[“Pura Fingu Angelli Spicatta” – Protogroup]

@ -2:02. Powerful, killing me, smiling. Love it all. Wish it can penetrate my all. Wish it can go beyond those gates. Wish it can break through. I wish so much. Need to be released. I feel fortified. I feel so strong inside. I feel cold. My blood cold. Feel like IT is fighting back the cold. Who’s winning? Words becoming primitive again. No more power. Less influence.

@ -2:20. Like Emperor Pu Yi. Yellow, golden yellow. Transparent. Kings. Ancestral grounds. Far away. Modern. Gone. How do they do it? Brother. Where did you go?

Small. Hiding. Supressing. Darkness very comfortable. Wish I can speak in music. Singular. Launch. Take me away from here.

Circling. Global, not me. Not here. Need release. Violin. Like immortality. How much longer? Paintings. That light, vague, dimmed, foggy. Time to go. It no longer hangs there. That place no longer exists. Those people no longer go there. That door no longer opens. That space is now occupied by different things. Yet my shadow lingers, forgetting its master, forgetting me.

I feel blinded by all this light. Burning. Drowning my dreams. Taking away my all. Taking away my soul, and what’s left of it.

I think I can see, what it was trying to protect me from. Is it too late now? I feel it’s too late, yet, my gut feels like there is a back exit.

I see two suns. I wish I can share that sight, but what they see will be darkness, and they get scared and move away. They open their eyes too wide. Never trust closing them for once. I listen with my mind, I touch with my emotions, I see with my the tips of my fingers.

The world is corrupted and rotten, and though life gives a lot, it also is unforgiving. My words, shallow. Primitive.

When you must, you do, yellow, transparent, vague. Dimmed. Lighted.

Water. Where would you like to go?

2:23am

2 thoughts on “A Look Inside

  1. smelly, itchy. slow. can’t take it. waterfalls. chirping. must be done. so much to do. muffling, nose is sore. seems fresh. bloated heavy. one off, messaging. arched back, flying bangs. stillness. doctor nerd. twitching gone. eyes on me. missing picture. damp and orange. pumpernickel sticks. cheese strings. fully clothed, white and stained. 14 more. can hardly breathe. climbing up and stepping down. cereal stomping, ears popping, foot thumping. big yellow flake. crack.

  2. Nice. I applaud you. We should do a poetry reading together. I think we can draw in some real artsy nerds. [applauds lightly]

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Disclaimer

Leemanism is about my views, my thoughts, and my feelings with as little filtering as possible. These concepts are not reflected in the people I value and are associated with. People who accept me, adhere to the parts where we are compatible and tolerate the parts where we are not. So however people perceive me to be, ultimately it obviously doesn't mean the friends I mention in this blog are the same as me. It means it's possible they are similar or the same, as well as different than me. It is highly unusual for people to be completely compatible with each other.

With that out of the way, and to make things clear, I never said I am a good person, nor am I trying to be one, though I would rather live with the empathetic than with the cruel. I would not deliberately do harm. I rather stand up against injustice than to pretend it doesn't exist. However, I understand consequences. The police is there to enforce the law, but not deter crimes from happening. Which means people must do what they must do to protect themselves, before the law of the land takes over and even then, the law of the land isn't there to protect you. It's there to protect the general consensus. Even if you may be right, society may deem you wrong - even most of your friends may side with society, than protect you. The law will almost always side with society.

We are few. Stay safe. (•̀ᵥᵥ•́)