The earliest memory I have of you is when I slept between you and mom. Edmond was not born yet. That means I was two years old or younger. That night, lightning and thunder played out beyond those windows and I felt relaxed.
You’re my dad, dad and I wished you were more than just my father.
I was always scared of you. Not because you beat us or anything like that. I was scared of you because you meant what you said, even if your heart was hurting. Yeah, I knew. I didn’t need mom to tell me that. I knew since I was young that you loved and cared for Edmond and I, but you had pride. You still have pride, but fortunately, you’re a lot better now than before and I thank you for evolving yourself for yourself, for us, for mom. Mom deserves this change.
Yes, sometimes, I wish I was more successful, earned more money, gave you and mom more money and effort, but I am me now and this is who I am with all my faults. I do wish I was different, but if I was different, I wouldn’t be me.
Mom said this to me once, as she put her hand gently on the side of my face, “You’re a good son. Too bad you just don’t make more money.” To a westerner’s thought, you may think she is being selfish. Alas no. She thinks with her heart. Her biggest worry is that when she is no longer here and my dad is no longer around, that I cannot take care of myself. I can, but it’s just that, I took one of the hardest routes possible.
If I was a dad, what would be my biggest worries for my children? I genuinely want them to be happy, secured, peaceful and of course, considerate and thoughtful.
To the son or daughter I will never have:
I love you so much, you have no idea. If you are gay, heterosexual, bi, pan, whatever you are, I love you. To make me proud, is to make yourself proud.
I wish I can share with you what I see inside of here. Would you turn away like so many? Would you just ridicule because you’re so narrow minded? Would you deny me because I am not a part of your massive world?
Where are you Leeman? I miss you so much.
I can taste the music. It rolls off my tongue. I can sing it in my mind. It is… It is powerful. It is here in all of my mind.
That sword that protected me and that shield that kept them at bay…
You have done your duties. Now would you please let me go?
The years come and go and I thank you. You know who you are. ALL of you. I wish I can go back in time as a ‘spirit’ and shake the hand of a soldier that will fall, look him in his eyes and knowingly tell him that I appreciate him and his duty.
I am a Canadian, with parents born in Hong Kong because of you – all of you. I thank you. To those long gone, recently gone and still here: thank you. I thank you.
Dad, thank you.