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Words of encouragement

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Tune: “Stall Out” by Mutemath
Drink: Bombay Sapphire Gin
Mood: Upset, but holding it together quite calmly

[audio:stallout_mm.mp3]

Patrick often puts up motivational quotes on his Facebook. He also follows other photographers, models, designers and business-minded people on Twitter as a sort of self-help agency. I have never really tried his method, which a lot of people do resort to doing, but I have considered it. Alas, what puts me off is the idea that motivational quotes can only apply to me if I have not thought of it first. So far, the most powerful quotes originated from people long gone from our world. My mom has tried using motivational words with me and all I could do most of the time is just listen and nod, but they’re not things I align myself with. However, I am not a pessimist. If I have to assign myself labels, I am an expressively optimistic person who logically weigh out the realities of the issues.

At this moment in time, I find myself completely swallowed up in this issue I am facing. On one hand, I have a partner who constantly reminds me that he has the key to the clients and will pull out at any time if he feels there is no point to having our company. On the other hand, I have a partner who constantly cannot meet deadlines. I have been asking myself lately why it seems like every time i finally seem to be getting a break from the mundane and wretchedness of the world, that something like this happens? These aren’t obstacles that I can just work around with. These are the sort of obstacles that is completely out of my control.

About ten years ago, my mom was washing dishes in the kitchen and she said to me, “You walk such a hard path and as your mother, I am heavily pained to watch you go through all that you do.” I broke down at the dinner table.

I am both lucky and unlucky. I am lucky to have met people who have the skill and talent and under normal circumstances, work well together, but at the same time, problems associated to these people keep coming back to slap me in the face.

So how do I keep myself from breaking down? I will tell you it’s really tough because I often feel as though I am at the brink of shattering. I keep it together because I need to show my parents they need not worry about me. They do enough worrying. Plus, my mom and dad has gone through enough crap. I do not want to add that extra burden on them.

However, just because words can’t help me, music does. It will not help me with my issues, but it helps stop or slow down me from breaking down. I know it’s just a matter of time, but hopefully when I do, it’s away from everyone.

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Disclaimer

Concepts from Leemanism has as little filtering as possible. These concepts are not reflected in the people I value and are associated with. People who accept me, adhere to the parts where we are compatible and tolerate the parts where we are not. So however people perceive me to be, ultimately it obviously doesn't mean the people I mention in this blog are the same as me. It means it's possible they are similar or the same, as well as different than me. It is highly unusual for people to be completely compatible with each other. It is also highly unusual for people to be fully supportive of each other, even if they say they do.

Common society expects self-respect to be a concept you enforce on yourself, while solely adhering to what common society dictates as being right. However, self-respect in fact, is doing what pleases you, while not permitting others to disrespect you, and when they do, you cut them out of your life. Don't let common society gaslight you into believing the self-respect you have for yourself should be dictated by common society's views on morality. Self-respect is the individual's right to live as they desire - not what common society deems as acceptable. Too often, people succumb to the weight of the world, dismissing their individual value, to try to fit in and be accepted. If you are the type of person who tries to fit in with common society, under the fantasy you are also an unique 'weird' person of your own thoughts, then I dare say, you're delusional. Everyone says they rather be weird, but when challenged, they retreat back into their social shells, doing everything they can to deflect self accountability.

That's utterly boring.

However, at the same time, I also understand that some people must do what they must do to protect themselves, before the law of the land and before common society try to lynch them for what they are. Even if your ideals may be right, society will more often than not, deem you wrong - even most of your friends may side with society, than protect you.

So with that said, we are few. Stay safe. (•̀ᵥᵥ•́)

I am one of the few I am one of the many