Thoughtful Nutmeg

Candle Lit Room

I have lived the majority of my life in a room lit by one candle. Note that this is metaphorical. ^_^ Today was such a day where I woke up and was extremely down and depressed. Stress piled up on me and I was near a breaking point. So I told my wife on Skype that I wanted to take a nap and left. As I laid in bed, tired emotionally, I felt cold. So I pulled the third blanket over me. Yes, it’s only October 4th and the temperature isn’t that bad. Imagine come December and January!

As I laid there, I thought about the issue of my tooth. That the dentist might have made a blunder and drilled the wrong one and did not fix the one with the broken-off tooth. So tomorrow, I have to make that call and tell them they might have drilled the wrong one. This terrifies me, but it isn’t the first time I’ve been confrontational. I’ve done it before. It’s just that, if the dentist presses that he would charge me or charge me the full amount, I would be further in debt. Doubling up with my current depression, anxiety and stress, this is not a good thing.

However, then I shook myself out of feeling down and thought, “It’s inevitable that I must face this tomorrow. So I need to stop dragging myself down now, making things worst.” For the last hour, this is what I’ve been doing:

– Tell myself inevitable issue will be resolved tomorrow.
– Deal with the communication calmly and be assertive, not aggressive.
– Make sure to tell dentist that they made a mistake and that they need to fix the right tooth.

I am fine if they charge me a consultation and x-ray fee, but not the fee to fix the problem. This is something they made the mistake on.

The last thing I want is to be charged extra for a fault they made and the need to make an official complaint to the BC Dentistry association. I just hope the new dentists that took over Doctor Choi’s clinic are reasonable.

In the mean time, I need to pick myself up. I’m going to play some WoW, watch some Netflix, possibly do some work, read up further on game design stuff and hopefully it will help stabilize my emotions.

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Leemanism is about my views, my thoughts, and my feelings with as little filtering as possible. These concepts are not reflected in the people I value and are associated with. People who accept me, adhere to the parts where we are compatible and tolerate the parts where we are not. So however people perceive me to be, ultimately it obviously doesn't mean the friends I mention in this blog are the same as me. It means it's possible they are similar or the same, as well as different than me. It is highly unusual for people to be completely compatible with each other.

With that out of the way, and to make things clear, I never said I am a good person, nor am I trying to be one, though I would rather live with the empathetic than with the cruel. I would not deliberately do harm. I rather stand up against injustice than to pretend it doesn't exist. However, I understand consequences. The police is there to enforce the law, but not deter crimes from happening. Which means people must do what they must do to protect themselves, before the law of the land takes over and even then, the law of the land isn't there to protect you. It's there to protect the general consensus. Even if you may be right, society may deem you wrong - even most of your friends may side with society, than protect you. The law will almost always side with society.

We are few. Stay safe. (•̀ᵥᵥ•́)