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Candle Lit Room

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I have lived the majority of my life in a room lit by one candle. Note that this is metaphorical. ^_^ Today was such a day where I woke up and was extremely down and depressed. Stress piled up on me and I was near a breaking point. So I told my wife on Skype that I wanted to take a nap and left. As I laid in bed, tired emotionally, I felt cold. So I pulled the third blanket over me. Yes, it’s only October 4th and the temperature isn’t that bad. Imagine come December and January!

As I laid there, I thought about the issue of my tooth. That the dentist might have made a blunder and drilled the wrong one and did not fix the one with the broken-off tooth. So tomorrow, I have to make that call and tell them they might have drilled the wrong one. This terrifies me, but it isn’t the first time I’ve been confrontational. I’ve done it before. It’s just that, if the dentist presses that he would charge me or charge me the full amount, I would be further in debt. Doubling up with my current depression, anxiety and stress, this is not a good thing.

However, then I shook myself out of feeling down and thought, “It’s inevitable that I must face this tomorrow. So I need to stop dragging myself down now, making things worst.” For the last hour, this is what I’ve been doing:

– Tell myself inevitable issue will be resolved tomorrow.
– Deal with the communication calmly and be assertive, not aggressive.
– Make sure to tell dentist that they made a mistake and that they need to fix the right tooth.

I am fine if they charge me a consultation and x-ray fee, but not the fee to fix the problem. This is something they made the mistake on.

The last thing I want is to be charged extra for a fault they made and the need to make an official complaint to the BC Dentistry association. I just hope the new dentists that took over Doctor Choi’s clinic are reasonable.

In the mean time, I need to pick myself up. I’m going to play some WoW, watch some Netflix, possibly do some work, read up further on game design stuff and hopefully it will help stabilize my emotions.

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Disclaimer

Concepts from Leemanism has as little filtering as possible. These concepts are not reflected in the people I value and are associated with. People who accept me, adhere to the parts where we are compatible and tolerate the parts where we are not. So however people perceive me to be, ultimately it obviously doesn't mean the people I mention in this blog are the same as me. It means it's possible they are similar or the same, as well as different than me. It is highly unusual for people to be completely compatible with each other. It is also highly unusual for people to be fully supportive of each other, even if they say they do.

Common society expects self-respect to be a concept you enforce on yourself, while solely adhering to what common society dictates as being right. However, self-respect in fact, is doing what pleases you, while not permitting others to disrespect you, and when they do, you cut them out of your life. Don't let common society gaslight you into believing the self-respect you have for yourself should be dictated by common society's views on morality. Self-respect is the individual's right to live as they desire - not what common society deems as acceptable. Too often, people succumb to the weight of the world, dismissing their individual value, to try to fit in and be accepted. If you are the type of person who tries to fit in with common society, under the fantasy you are also an unique 'weird' person of your own thoughts, then I dare say, you're delusional. Everyone says they rather be weird, but when challenged, they retreat back into their social shells, doing everything they can to deflect self accountability.

That's utterly boring.

However, at the same time, I also understand that some people must do what they must do to protect themselves, before the law of the land and before common society try to lynch them for what they are. Even if your ideals may be right, society will more often than not, deem you wrong - even most of your friends may side with society, than protect you.

So with that said, we are few. Stay safe. (•̀ᵥᵥ•́)

I am one of the few I am one of the many