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Leeman’s Monologue

In the original movie, Blade Runner, the fictional character of Roy Batty delivers a monologue at his death:

I’ve seen things, you people wouldn’t believe.
Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion.
I’ve watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate.
All those moments will be lost in time.
Like tears in rain

Over the years, prior to the internet being an accessible vault of information, I remember bits and pieces of this monologue. I loved the movie Blade Runner. It has been a core inspiration for many of my artwork and short story ideas.

What further amazes me from this quote, is that as a human being, I will never see the shoulder of Orion up close. For the remainder of my life, I will only see Orion from where I stand, billions of light years away. I will never see C-Beams glitter near the Tannhäuser Gate. I will never live far enough into the future, to experience humanity at its advanced technological state. I can only dream. I can only aspire to, through my imagination, to do what I can to express those visions in the art I wish to create. Perhaps my artwork, may one day inspire those who make a living creating and building the future, to become the pioneers for those visions.

Mind you, I lost a lot of that motivation to express my visions when the friendships with Albert and eventually, Jon, faded into oblivion. A silent visionary, I have become. In some ways, even with my limited communication with Tom, I find that for whatever that is left of those visions, Tom has been the only other person that has continued to help create tiny, but subtly potent lights that help me see the path I am trying to head towards. Imagine an early summer morning at the desert, where the sun isn’t up yet, but you can see the distant blue fade to orange on the horizon. Though the surroundings is dark, there are tiny infrequent lights that make a faint glow from where I stand, all the way to whichever direction I feel I need to go towards. It’s cold. Freezing actually, but somehow, the dimly lit glow of the ocean of stars above, keep me company. As if they are silently cheering me on. As if they are my brothers and sisters, who actually love and adore me. Perhaps, when I reach my destination, I can finally be with them again.

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There is no left wing or right wing specific ideals here. It is as life should be regardless of society's squabbles and disagreements. I never said I strive to be a good person, nor did I ever say I will deliberately do people harm. I only said that I will do what needs to be done to survive in the world. The end doesn't always justify the means and the means don't always justify the end.

People from all shades of the political and social spectrum will find my content offensive. So my blog isn't for most people. It's for people closer to my spectrum of recognition and understanding. If you are an easily triggered reactionary conservative snowflake, then kindly fuck off. If you are an obnoxiously phoney liberal that consider yourself progressive but actually limit yourself to the matchbox-sized confinements of your isms, then go choke on your own crying snot juice elsewhere. You have been warned.

For the rest of you, welcome to my immodest abode. It's not smart, nor intelligent, nor wise. It's just life.