Thoughtful Nutmeg

Leeman’s Monologue

In the original movie, Blade Runner, the fictional character of Roy Batty delivers a monologue at his death:

I’ve seen things, you people wouldn’t believe.
Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion.
I’ve watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate.
All those moments will be lost in time.
Like tears in rain

Over the years, prior to the internet being an accessible vault of information, I remember bits and pieces of this monologue. I loved the movie Blade Runner. It has been a core inspiration for many of my artwork and short story ideas.

What further amazes me from this quote, is that as a human being, I will never see the shoulder of Orion up close. For the remainder of my life, I will only see Orion from where I stand, billions of light years away. I will never see C-Beams glitter near the Tannhäuser Gate. I will never live far enough into the future, to experience humanity at its advanced technological state. I can only dream. I can only aspire to, through my imagination, to do what I can to express those visions in the art I wish to create. Perhaps my artwork, may one day inspire those who make a living creating and building the future, to become the pioneers for those visions.

Mind you, I lost a lot of that motivation to express my visions when the friendships with Albert and eventually, Jon, faded into oblivion. A silent visionary, I have become. In some ways, even with my limited communication with Tom, I find that for whatever that is left of those visions, Tom has been the only other person that has continued to help create tiny, but subtly potent lights that help me see the path I am trying to head towards. Imagine an early summer morning at the desert, where the sun isn’t up yet, but you can see the distant blue fade to orange on the horizon. Though the surroundings is dark, there are tiny infrequent lights that make a faint glow from where I stand, all the way to whichever direction I feel I need to go towards. It’s cold. Freezing actually, but somehow, the dimly lit glow of the ocean of stars above, keep me company. As if they are silently cheering me on. As if they are my brothers and sisters, who actually love and adore me. Perhaps, when I reach my destination, I can finally be with them again.

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Leemanism is about my views, my thoughts, and my feelings with as little filtering as possible. These concepts are not reflected in the people I value and are associated with. People who accept me, adhere to the parts where we are compatible and tolerate the parts where we are not. So however people perceive me to be, ultimately it obviously doesn't mean the friends I mention in this blog are the same as me. It means it's possible they are similar or the same, as well as different than me. It is highly unusual for people to be completely compatible with each other.

With that out of the way, and to make things clear, I never said I am a good person, nor am I trying to be one, though I would rather live with the empathetic than with the cruel. I would not deliberately do harm. I rather stand up against injustice than to pretend it doesn't exist. However, I understand consequences. The police is there to enforce the law, but not deter crimes from happening. Which means people must do what they must do to protect themselves, before the law of the land takes over and even then, the law of the land isn't there to protect you. It's there to protect the general consensus. Even if you may be right, society may deem you wrong - even most of your friends may side with society, than protect you. The law will almost always side with society.

We are few. Stay safe. (•̀ᵥᵥ•́)