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To be inspired, yet unmotivated

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Often times, I have a few things happening in my mind throughout the day, but once I get home, the motivation to put them on my blog fades away drastically. It’s truly a strange feeling because I used to post so much so often, yet now, when I know something is hilarious or inspiring, I cannot get it into my blog. It’s possible I have evolved from my blog, but at the same time, I feel it’s a part of me.

I think what it could be is that I’ve lost things along the way, so for my blog to still be around, is like a ghost of my past without much substance. While there are a lot of thoughts I would love to share with the world, I find that I am unable to exert any energy into something I once loved. I think some part of it has to do with the indifference my wife shows me towards everything I do. I also think some part of it has to do with the fact my friends no longer visit my blog. It’s also possible that another part of it is because the blog itself cannot truly evolve, when I do. It’s not a stepping stone to something else. It’s just a place to store thoughts.

If something affects me immediately, then I can react to it immediately, but if something requires some effort and a waiting period, then I have no motivation to continue with it. Also, another thing is that I have many different blogs that cover separate themes. I have to often think which blog to put what in and whether the audience there would accept that sort of topic. At Leemanism, I used to post most of my thoughts here. Over time, those categories of my mind dissipated and posts were unpublished. Today, I feel like I could do more for it, yet there’s also a part of me that don’t want to outright say it.

I want to be honest, but then people who normally did read my posts would become alienated or upset or angry or some other negative emotion. I wish someone can confirm my thoughts and tell me, “It’s okay Lee, just say it how you mean it.” But when I do, I know that people will stop visiting or they will get upset, etc. It’s a lose-lose situation.

Such is life and such is married life.

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Disclaimer

Concepts from Leemanism has as little filtering as possible. These concepts are not reflected in the people I value and are associated with. People who accept me, adhere to the parts where we are compatible and tolerate the parts where we are not. So however people perceive me to be, ultimately it obviously doesn't mean the people I mention in this blog are the same as me. It means it's possible they are similar or the same, as well as different than me. It is highly unusual for people to be completely compatible with each other. It is also highly unusual for people to be fully supportive of each other, even if they say they do.

Common society expects self-respect to be a concept you enforce on yourself, while solely adhering to what common society dictates as being right. However, self-respect in fact, is doing what pleases you, while not permitting others to disrespect you, and when they do, you cut them out of your life. Don't let common society gaslight you into believing the self-respect you have for yourself should be dictated by common society's views on morality. Self-respect is the individual's right to live as they desire - not what common society deems as acceptable. Too often, people succumb to the weight of the world, dismissing their individual value, to try to fit in and be accepted. If you are the type of person who tries to fit in with common society, under the fantasy you are also an unique 'weird' person of your own thoughts, then I dare say, you're delusional. Everyone says they rather be weird, but when challenged, they retreat back into their social shells, doing everything they can to deflect self accountability.

That's utterly boring.

However, at the same time, I also understand that some people must do what they must do to protect themselves, before the law of the land and before common society try to lynch them for what they are. Even if your ideals may be right, society will more often than not, deem you wrong - even most of your friends may side with society, than protect you.

So with that said, we are few. Stay safe. (•̀ᵥᵥ•́)

I am one of the few I am one of the many