Thoughtful Nutmeg

To be inspired, yet unmotivated

Often times, I have a few things happening in my mind throughout the day, but once I get home, the motivation to put them on my blog fades away drastically. It’s truly a strange feeling because I used to post so much so often, yet now, when I know something is hilarious or inspiring, I cannot get it into my blog. It’s possible I have evolved from my blog, but at the same time, I feel it’s a part of me.

I think what it could be is that I’ve lost things along the way, so for my blog to still be around, is like a ghost of my past without much substance. While there are a lot of thoughts I would love to share with the world, I find that I am unable to exert any energy into something I once loved. I think some part of it has to do with the indifference my wife shows me towards everything I do. I also think some part of it has to do with the fact my friends no longer visit my blog. It’s also possible that another part of it is because the blog itself cannot truly evolve, when I do. It’s not a stepping stone to something else. It’s just a place to store thoughts.

If something affects me immediately, then I can react to it immediately, but if something requires some effort and a waiting period, then I have no motivation to continue with it. Also, another thing is that I have many different blogs that cover separate themes. I have to often think which blog to put what in and whether the audience there would accept that sort of topic. At Leemanism, I used to post most of my thoughts here. Over time, those categories of my mind dissipated and posts were unpublished. Today, I feel like I could do more for it, yet there’s also a part of me that don’t want to outright say it.

I want to be honest, but then people who normally did read my posts would become alienated or upset or angry or some other negative emotion. I wish someone can confirm my thoughts and tell me, “It’s okay Lee, just say it how you mean it.” But when I do, I know that people will stop visiting or they will get upset, etc. It’s a lose-lose situation.

Such is life and such is married life.

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Leemanism is about my views, my thoughts, and my feelings with as little filtering as possible. These concepts are not reflected in the people I value and are associated with. People who accept me, adhere to the parts where we are compatible and tolerate the parts where we are not. So however people perceive me to be, ultimately it obviously doesn't mean the friends I mention in this blog are the same as me. It means it's possible they are similar or the same, as well as different than me. It is highly unusual for people to be completely compatible with each other.

With that out of the way, and to make things clear, I never said I am a good person, nor am I trying to be one, though I would rather live with the empathetic than with the cruel. I would not deliberately do harm. I rather stand up against injustice than to pretend it doesn't exist. However, I understand consequences. The police is there to enforce the law, but not deter crimes from happening. Which means people must do what they must do to protect themselves, before the law of the land takes over and even then, the law of the land isn't there to protect you. It's there to protect the general consensus. Even if you may be right, society may deem you wrong - even most of your friends may side with society, than protect you. The law will almost always side with society.

We are few. Stay safe. (•̀ᵥᵥ•́)